Infusion # 11 10-14-11

Infusion Friday. A day I NEVER look forward to. When it is infusion week, the whole week feels different to me. And non infusion weeks....I feel like I am a happier person. Besides the fact that Avery has to go through all this...every other week..forever; I don't know why I have this feeling. It literally makes me sick to my stomach when I think about Infusion. I can't get used to this. Everyone keeps telling me: it will get easier, become a routine, it is harder on you than it is on Avery. That is all well and fine but..but how do I change how I feel? That is my baby, our baby. And not a single second goes by that I don't wish...WISH it was me instead of her. When Avery points at her arm every single day and says ouchie..I wanna cry....and many times I do. I feel like after 11 times of her going through this I would/should feel different..nope! I don't. I dread every time like it is the first time. With that being said, Lorraine, Avery and Mommy were off to Detroit. A "normal" infusion day. We got there on time, checked in without a hitch, and were upstairs and ready to go. Karen, our favorite nurse was there and that immediately takes about 1000 pounds off my shoulders. She gets the IV on the first try, and today was no different. Avery did amazing, like always. I mean what 2 yr old goes through all of this and still has it in her to smile and play while she is there? My big girl Avery does. She did fall asleep this time which makes it so much easier too, for her, Mommy and Grandma. The time seemed to fly by and we were out of there around 2 and home by about 3.